Le sigh…. here is the time between both the end of school and the start of real summer.  I don’t really know if it really has set in yet.  The year has passed and it feels like i just woke up at 5 am in order to drive down to san diego for the start of the Bungalow at ERC Mesa Verde in my apartment…. it was just welcome week… it was just ascension tryouts… it was just welcome back dance… it was just first quarter first week… =]

But with the end of one thing and the end of another year of school for the 2nd time and now at the start of my 3rd year, with new beginning, new internship/ volunteers, new responsibilities, new stresses, new things to think over, new issues to deal with and new things to still look forward to with a summer in between before living off campus and the start of the second half of my college career, it feels like its so difficult yet again.  I feel helpless and powerless like a kid, like when i moved, like when i went to a new school, like when things are in limbo and transition.

I just pray and wish that things can go well.  but when i really think about it, i really know life is amazing and i really am just privileged just to breathe air that is so free and amazing in a great place, with priviliged middle class urban america and with with things paid for me and with nothing really to worry about, my problems seem so miniscule.  It’s such an easy thing to know i have an education, to know i will eat, to have safety when i go to sleep at night, to know i have family, to know i have money and security if anything ever goes wrong.

but yet they are still issues.  i just pray for things so that y heart can be settled and that i can deal with my problems, because even though it’s trouble getting up the gigantic stairs to get to the next level when i’m just a puppy, to others who are adults it isn’t an issue cuz they are large, but to me… it’s a problem…

i just want you to feel better dear and to get better… i pray and think of you all the time… miss you and heart you… please feel better and you’re always in my thoughts… your in my prayers all the time… heart you so much